The running from pillar to post has been the way of life with little break or rest. Life flashes across your eyes, and you have got a few white hairs showing that time has really been on the fast track. “I want to do so many things and go places” is something that never fills the abyss of the desire or wants from life. Most of the time, it turns out to be a mirage with an endless horizon and a bottomless pit. However, we are all gravitated towards it and circle around it in its orbit, usually taking away that time of life to find ourselves suddenly somewhere completely different than expected. The gravity of it is so strong that it keeps its hold for so long that everything is on the list of desire until the list itself becomes a part of the desire.

I was at one of the events honoring a senior actor whose life achievements had been a series of personal ups and downs and his gigantic professional success where he stood today. The felicitation was a much pompous affair in which a 5-minute drama depicted a story of his life of more than 50 years of his struggles and success. I had tears in my eyes at one point, for his loss, and it dawned upon me that I am no different in this case. I am also circling a sun of my own wants and desires with a speed that will, at some time, throw me away with probably nothing in hand except for the lost time.

I was just running behind, always for something, at times adding to the list. Life has been the same to me. The tear in my eye rolled down, and I put my hand to stop it from escaping further down. I saw a lot of the spectators with tears in their eyes, probably we had something in common yet never known or shared in common. I knew that the last tear of mine was for myself. I had lost myself a long time ago.

As I started clapping for the recipient while he was receiving the award, I thought about what more I would need and what more would be enough. The answer was “nothing” to both, and that realization made my legs fixated… no way out. The feeling of pursuing too much pushed me away from the fanfare and glamour of the evening that surrounded me. All the yearning, thinking, and acting had taken a back seat, and suddenly, all I was searching for was that space where I could lay low, put my head under a blanket, and be unknown and unaware of anyone and everyone and do nothing… take some time probably for nothing. Absolute nothing.

Shana Bhaar Vishranti (Momentary Rest)